I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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