well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
