dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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