I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize