I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
