There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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