so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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