I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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