I need help removing her.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
