My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
