Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
