I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
