So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
