Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I see more hoeing in ur future
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