Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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