My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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