she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
