you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
