After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
