you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
