I accidentally had phone sex last night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
