If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
