Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
