Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
