hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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