I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
