You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
