Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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