I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
