i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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