Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Boobs are out for the taking
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
