i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
