Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
