we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
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we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
this is an emotional support booty call
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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