I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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