why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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