i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
