it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
