I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
