Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
