Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
