i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
