why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
