How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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