My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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