we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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