our cab driver is having phone sex.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
