just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
