Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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