I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
