hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
