oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
