Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
