hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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