Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
