can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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