You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
