I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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