cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
