just come out here and I will go home with you...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
